Live Performances/Interviews March - November 2002

*THIS PAGE IS FOR LIVE PERFORMANCES AND INTERVIEWS FROM MARCH 2002 - NOVEMBER 2002*
TO SEE TRANSCRIPTS/LYRICS FOR OCTOBER 1998- DECEMBER 1999 PERFORMANCES, PLEASE
CLICK HERE!
TO SEE TRANSCRIPTS/LYRICS FOR JANUARY 2000- FEBRUARY 2002 PERFORMANCES, PLEASE
CLICK HERE!
TO SEE TRANSCRIPTS/LYRICS FOR DECEMBER 2002 ONWARDS PERFORMANCES, PLEASE
CLICK HERE!

To view the lyrics to a song, click on the title. If there is no link, then I haven't got the lyrics yet, I am currently working on them.

To go to the footer, with the links back to my main page and Alanis page, as well as the counter, last update date, and MIDI control, click here.

WHERE YOU CAN FIND IT SONG
Live Performance Hands Clean from The View (w/ Interview)
Live Performance Hands Clean from The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
Live Performance Hands Clean from The Early Show (w/ interview)
Live Performance Ironic from The Early Show
Live Performance Hands Clean from Late Night with Conan O'Brien (w/ interview)
Live Performance Hands Clean live from the 2002 Juno Awards
Live Performance Precious Illusions from the American Bandstand 50th Anniversary Special
Live Performance Precious Illusions from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (w/ interview)
Live Performance Hands Clean from Teen Choice Presents: 2002 Summer Music Mania
Live Performance Precious Illusions from Teen Choice Presents: 2002 Summer Music Mania
Live Performance 21 Things I Want In A Lover from The View
Live Performance 21 Things I Want In A Lover from The Caroline Rhea Show (w/ interview)
Live Performance Precious Illusions from the Caroline Rhea Show

Click here to view the transcript of Alanis' MuchMusic Intimate and Interactive 2002, featuring Live Performances and interviews

Also, If you have any lyrics corrections (be sure about it), please Sign My Guestbook.

All lyrics are written the way they are sung, not the way they are originally written.

IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING WHY I HAVE SEPARATE LYRICS TO THE LIVE PERFORMANCES: As we all know, when a performer performs something live, it's got slight differences to the original. The same goes with Alanis, so when she sings something, it's a little different each time, so that's why I felt like I should put up lyrics to her live performances, as well as the interviews that often go with them. In addition, since my lyrics include the um's oh's ooh's and other sounds like that, and they change greatly for each performance, that is why I have included them.


Live Performances

Hands Clean (From The View, March 21st, 2002)

[Return from commercial to applause]

Lisa Ling: We can thank Alanis Morissette for making some of the most poignant, vital, and incredible music out there. Her 1995 album Jagged Little Pill changed the voice of women in pop music forever and became the top-selling debut album in history. Her latest CD, Under Rug Swept, is the first to be solely written and produced by Alanis and it's put her back on top. Please welcome Alanis Morissette! [Applause] [Alanis comes out on joins the co-hosts on the couch] Alanis welcome to the show!
Alanis Morissette: Thank you!
Lisa: I'm so excited that you're here 'cause... [Trails off inaudibly] ... um, your, your music is so deeply profound and, and you talk in your music about everything from former relationships to sex, it's so deep. Do you ever, as you're writing, think "I may be going too far"?
Alanis: I think when I first started writing Jagged Little Pill I had a little fear in terms of sharing it, but when I'm writing I'm not censoring myself certainly, um, but as the years have gone on, the more transparent and authentic I have become, the less fearful I've been, and certainly the more liberated I've felt, so...
Lisa: Oh good...
Barbara Walters: By the way we all love your hair [Laughter] ... that's what we all wanna talk about when you're here
Alanis: Oh
Barbara: Don't we, that gorgeous shiny hair! [Applause] Alanis you've not only written about your life now, but you go into the past and, and uh, the song Hands Clean, uh, which many people are saying is the story of your relationship with your creative partner, you were fourteen, he was like thirty years older, and in it you write "I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it"
Alanis: Mm hmm
Barbara: ... supposedly he is saying that
Alanis: Yeah
Barbara: So you go all of these years into the ... what made you decide to write about that period, we've been talking about fathers, what is this all about?
Alanis: ... mmhmm
Barbara: ... that wasn't your father...
Alanis: Father, father figure
Barbara: .... it was someone much older
Alanis: Yeah.... I spent a lot of time working with men that were much chronologically older than I was, um, when I was younger, and still do for that matter, but, um, but basically the reason I'm writing about it is because I have, uh, a desire to, like I, like I mentioned earlier to be authentic in a way that I hadn't been when I was younger and I don't know if I had the courage to sing it for myself really. Um, I think the scariest truth to face oftentimes is the truth that you speak to yourself in those quiet moments when you're alone, so I wasn't really prepared to do it until now and um, I just wanted to write it for the sake of feeling that liberation that comes from ...
Barbara: From that, from that relationship.... And do you, do you still like older men?
[Applause]
[Co-hosts all talk simultaneously and inaudibly]
Joy Behar: I was just gonna ask, you were dating a guy that was forty-seven when you were twenty-seven, so you obviously just go for the older guy right?
Alanis: I, I, I have vacillated over the years but now I'm, I am no longer dating someone who is far older than I am and I think I have achieved a balance
[Laughter]
Star Jones: You know I, it, it's funny because Lisa was talkin' about what goes into your song, d'you ever think in a relationship that your partner is saying "I better not screw up because ... [laughter] ... I'll end up in one of her songs!"
Alanis: Well I hope so! [Laughter] No I uh, no, um, I think at this point if someone is wanting to date me I think they, they know what they're getting into, I mean ...
Star: One missed step and you'll be a best-seller!
Alanis: No, but I mean they get [Laughter] ... they get, you know the songs that may be a little tough to hear you know or swallow but at the same time they get a lot of sort of loving songs too, and it's all my truth so you know it's all uh ...
Meredith Vieira: Nothing's off limits then?
Alanis: Nothing's off limits no
Meredith: I think a lot of people don't know that you actually have a twin, a brother named Wade
Alanis: Mmhmm
Meredith: Do you have that twin thing where you can read each other's ....
Alanis: The telepathic thing?
Meredith: Yeah
Alanis: Yeah
Meredith: You do? [Alanis talks inaudibly underneath Meredith speaking] So what's he thinking right now?
Alanis: He is uh, he's in a very similar place that I'm in, in terms of what he's ready for in his life and... so I have a sense anyway
Meredith: Yeah
Alanis: I don't know the exact words that he's thinking, but ...
Barbara: He's thinking "Just don't write about me!"
Alanis: Well we've have that conversation before, it's tough because people that I date or meet as an adult, it's one thing, but, but my family, writing about them, you know... while I was sharing the uterus with my brother he didn't know that I'd be a singer/songwriter when I... [Laughter] ... so he may be a little bit more apprehensive
Lisa: Is he into music?
Alanis: Yeah he's an amazing musician yeah
Lisa: Well uh Barbara mentioned hair a second ago...
Alanis: Oh no
Lisa: ... and you know on The View we, we, we, we have to talk about every beauty tip imagineable and I understand you have some, some tips for your hair that you wanna give us?
Alanis: Um.... clean it.... brushing it is good...
[Laughter]
Joy: Do you wash it everyday?
Alanis: I don't wash it everyday, no, for long hair
Joy: No?
Alanis: No
Joy: It takes too long to get it dry?
Alanis: Depends, if I'm in a hippe mode I'll, you know, go camping and I won't wash it for a long time
Barbara: What're you in today, what made are you in today?
Alanis: Today's... day one.... is that your question?
Barbara: Um, I'm sorry, uh ... of your hair or of your life?
Alanis: Oh are we talking life or hair because ...
[Laughter]
The View co-hosts (simultaneously): Aren't they both the same thing?
Alanis: Is there a difference, really?
[Laughter]
Alanis: Um, what phase am I in right now you mean?
Barbara: Yeah
Alanis: ... oh my life. Um, I'm in a very exploratory phase in terms of relationships, I've focussed a lot on my art and the evolution in that, and nurturing myself throughout it, but um, just really, and uh, it's a theme that I actually think comes out in this record which is this wanting to bridge gaps between myself and other people, between the two genders, and ultimately the broader version of it, which is bridging gaps between religions and cultures and races and...
Barbara: Oh boy
Alanis: ... and sort of everything in between, because I see the microcosmic version, myself, in one person to be something that can be extrapolated into the bigger ones which is you know ...
Barbara: That's a lot of stuff to put into a song for heaven's sakes!
Alanis: These are the thing I think about all the time so...
Joy: You're deep, you're deep
Alanis: Yeah, oh no! [As if being deep was a bad thing]
Barbara: You went back to Toronto, to your home...
Alanis: Mmhmm
Barbara: ... and you wrote eleven songs while you were there
Alanis: Mmhmm, mmhmm
Barbara: What does home mean to you that, that it must be a, a womb, a place that gives you an awful lot of creativity
Alanis: Yeah, I uh, I wanted to get off the radar and I think, and when I'm in Los Angeles I feel myself wanting to, you know, go back to my workaholic ways, I have tendencies toward that, so when I'm in Canada I feel like I'm off the radar and I can be my Canadian self. Um, there's a lot of cultural differences... differences between Canada and America that I think I underestimated before I left and ...
Meredith: Do you get sick of the Canadian jokes?
Alanis: I don't listen to them
[Laughter]
Joy: What's that, what's the big difference do you think?
Alanis: Um, the biggest one that I notice, and certainly Los Angeles is its own cultural difference from America in many ways because you know, state to state, there's quite a lot of cultural differences too but, um, the communication style was different
Joy: Yeah
Alanis: Definitely, um... I've, you know, I was born and raised in a place where if I were to give information it had to be solicited so I would just remain silent until I was asked a question
Joy: Yeah
Alanis: ... and uh after about a year of not speaking in Los Angeles, and only listening, I realized that I had to muster up I guess it was the courage or you know whatever it was to actually just speak without having been asked a question
Lisa: Plus LA's got a lot of boob jobs than I assume they would in Canada ... anyway Alanis thank you so much for, for uh, hanging out with us and I, we're very excited 'cause you're gonna get to sing for us, so uh... [Applause] Our thanks to Alanis Morissette, she'll be back later to perform the hit single Hands Clean, we'll be right back!
[Applause]
[Cut To Commercial]

[Later in the show:]

[Return from commercial to applause]
Lisa: It's been three years between albums, but Alanis is back with a vengeance with her latest CD Under Rug Swept. Here to perform her hit Hands Clean, welcome back Alanis Morissette!
[Applause]
[Alanis performs Hands Clean:]

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would've happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself and
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody and
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me and
You're a kind of a prot
g and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me and
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family and
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse and
I wish I could tell the world 'cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly and
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and you keep your firm body and

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind
And ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind
And ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ah oh ah ah
Ah ah ah
Ah oh ah oh oh

[Applause]

Lisa: Thank you that was so great [Kisses Alanis] Alanis Morissette everyone! Our thanks to Alanis Morissette, her CD Under Rug Swept is in stores right now, we'll be right back!

[Cut to commercial]

Back To Top


Hands Clean (From The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, April 4th, 2002)

[Return from commercial to applause]

Jay: My next guest, a multi-platinum artist who's won semi-- seven Grammy Awards. On May first she kicks off a national tour in San Diego. New album right here, it's called, uh, Under Rug Swept. Please welcome, Alanis Morissette

[Applause]

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would've happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself and
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody and
Overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me and
You're a kind of prot
g and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me and
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know how you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family and
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse and
I wish I could tell the world 'cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly and
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and you keep your firm body and

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
And no one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ah ooh ah ah
Oh oh oh ho oh
Ah ah ah

[Applause]

Jay: Alanis Morissette! That was great thank you so much, it's always a pleasure to have you. I just wanna thank all my guests, Bob Knight come on in Bob, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, she had to go, she's going her show Watching Elly, but uh, thank her so much for being here. Also where's Kevin Smith? Where's Kevin at?
Alanis: Where is Kevin?
Jay: I dunno where Kevin's hiding, oh those kids are so shy! ... Anyway thanks everybody stay tuned for Conan coming up next and we'll see you tomorrow night, bye everybody, bye bye!

[Closing Credits roll]

Back To Top


Hands Clean (From The Early Show, April 12th, 2002)

Jane (one of the hosts): Over the last decade Alanis Morissette has sold millions of CD's around the world and earned a shelf-full of Grammys with her deeply personal and lyrical and catchy melodies. Her thirteenth [sic] CD is called Under Rug Swept which includes her newest single Hands Clean. Please welcome Alanis Morissette

[Applause]

[Alanis performs Hands Clean:]

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would've happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself and
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody and
Overlook this supposd crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me and
You're a kind of prot
g and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me and
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know how you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could be messy
But you-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family and
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse and
I wish I could tell the world 'cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly and
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and you keep your firm body

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ind and
Ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
And no one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mind and
Ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ah oh ah oh ah
Oh oh ah ho oh
Ah ah ah

[Applause]

Jane: Alanis Morissette!
Alanis: Thank you!
Jane: That was terrific, that was great
Alanis: Thanks
Jane: Your first album sold thirty million copies, so is this a tough act to follow?
Alanis: I don't have any expectation for what I do, I just do it so...
[Applause]
Jane: Your music is very personal, it says a lot about you, what, what does this CD say about you?
Alanis: It's hard to pick out any themes that have emerged 'cause I don't have a ton of objectivity yet, but I think there's a, a desire to bridge gaps and, and have connection and, and uh mending some, some chasms basically, if I can point one little one out
Jane: Yeah
Alanis: Yeah
Jane: This is the first work that you've done really on your own without a producer or co-writer or anything like that, was it a challenge?
Alanis: Definitely a challenge, wearing all the different hats at the same time no question, but ultimately y'know the best part of being a producer I think is being a facilitator, so bringing people in who do what they do really well and letting them become greater than the sum of their parts, yeah...
Jane: You wrote thirty songs, true, for this album?
Alanis: Mmhmm
Jane: And there are only ... eleven?
Alanis: Yeah
Jane: So where are the other nineteen?
Alanis: Um, there'll be another record coming out I think around Christmas time with a DVD we're gonna put them together...
[Cheers]
Jane: Very happy about that!
Alanis: Yeah, mmhmm
Jane: Any tours planned?
Alanis: We're starting our American tour May first
[More Cheers]
Jane: So we're gonna go to commercial break...
Alanis: Okay
Jane: ... and we're gonna come back and you're gonna sing?....
Alanis: Ironic
Jane: Ironic
Alanis: Yes
[Cheers]
Jane: Okay, back with more on The Early Show and Alanis Morissette after this!
[Applause]
[Cut to commercial]

Back To Top


Ironic (From The Early Show, April 12th, 2002)

[Return from commercial, applause]

Jane: With us once again, Alanis Morissette!

[Alanis performs Ironic:]

Hey yi yi ya yi yi yi ya oh

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery-y, 'nd died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay-ay-ay
It’s a death ro-ow pardon two minutes too late
And isn’t it ironic . . . don’t you think?

It’s like rai-ee-ain on your wedding day
It’s a free-ee ri-ide when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advi-ee-i-ice that you just didn’t ta-ee-ake
And who would’ve thought? . . . it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his su-u-uitcase, and kissed his kids good-bye-ee-ye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
“Well isn’t this nice. . .”
And isn’t it ironic. . . don’t you think?

It’s like rai-ee-ain on your wedding day
It’s a free-ee ri-i-ide when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advi-ee-i-ice that you just didn’t ta-ee-ake
And who would’ve thought . . . it figures

Well life has a funny way, of sneaking up on ya
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going ri-ee-i-ee-i-ee-i-ight
And yeah well life has a funny way, of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your fa-a-ace

A traffic jam when you’re already late
A no-smo-o-oking sign on your cigarette break
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It’s meeting the man of my dreams
And meeting his beautiful wife
And isn’t it ironic... don’t you think?
A little too-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo ironic ... and yeah I really do think...

It’s like rai-ee-ain on your wedding day
It’s a free-ee ri-i-i-ide when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advi-ee-i-ice that you just didn’t ta-ee-ake
And who would’ve thought . . . it figu-ures

Ya da di, ya ya yi, yi ooh, ee ya do oh oh oh
Ya da di yi yi yi yi yi ya hi yi

[Applause]

[Spoken:] Thank you very much, woo! Thank you!

[More applause]

[Scene cuts back to the hosts at the desk...]

Back To Top


Hands Clean (From Late Night With Conan O'Brien, April 12th, 2002)

Conan O'Brien: Alright everybody we're back. My next guest is here with a song from her brand new album Under Rug Swept. Please welcome Alanis Morissette!

[Applause]
[Alanis performs Hands Clean:]

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would've happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself and
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody and
Overlook this suppos
d crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me and
You're a kind of prot
g and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me and
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know how you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family and
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse and
I wish I could tell the world 'cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly and
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and you keep your firm body and

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ah ooh ah ah
Oh oh oh ho oh
Ah ah ah

[Applause]

Conan: Thank you so much that was great! Thank you, Alanis Morissette everyone! Take a break we'll be right back! Stick around!

[Cut to commercial]

[Return from commercial to applause]
[Alanis speaks inaudibly to Conan]
Conan: Yeah, we're back and I am uh, sitting here of course with Alanis Morissette. Thank you, that was fantastic!
Alanis: Thank you so much, much fun
Conan: Thank you for doin' it, I really, I really uh ... [Applause] ... was struck by your hair
Alanis: Wow
Conan: I love, I mean, I'm, I'm hair obsessed as you can tell
Alanis: Oh are you?
Conan: I love your hair yeah
Alanis: Thank you
Conan: Is it, is it hard to maintain, is it hard to y'know....
Alanis: Um no, it's like a little security blanket
Conan: So it goes with you wherever you...
Alanis: It does
Conan: You just grab onto it sometimes when you're nervous
[Laughter]
Alanis: Yes I twirl it when I'm nervous
Conan: Yeah
Alanis: Which is you know every once in a while
Conan: I do that too I actually I'll, I'll be nervous, well in rehearsal I'll be doing this [begins to twirl his short hair with his finger] and then I'll have these like horns sticking out...
[Laughter]
Alanis: See that's cute, I like that
Conan: It's, it's sad
Alanis: I like the unkempt thing
Conan: It's sad and neurotic [Alanis laughs] uh...
Alanis: Okay great
Conan: And this is a wig! Uh... [Laughter] I, I don't know if this is true but I heard that you, you called Mother Theresa once, and I don't know if that's just some story that someone made up, is that true?
Alanis: Yeah I called her the night she died actually uh... I was wanting to go to Calcutta to do some volunteering and um, I had put it off, I procrastinated calling her and then one night I was standing with my boyfriend at the time in the kitchen and I said "I think I'm just gonna call her right now." And I reached out to her and spoke to the, her sisters that she was surrounded by
Conan: Right
Alanis: And I said "I really wanna come" and then the next morning... and spoke about when I would be coming, what I would be doing...
Conan: Right, right
Alanis: And then um the next morning I work up and she had died
Conan: Right
Alanis: Yeah
Conan: Uh, I don't even understand how you .. the, the part where you say "I think I'll call Mother Theresa" and then you actually get them on the phone! [Laughter] That's the part ... I mean [Imitating looking in phone book] Let's see... Ma, mo, mo, Mother Theresa, there we go! That's the part that amazes me, you must have had her number already
Alanis: I reached through, I reached out through uh, the missionaries that, that were in LA
Conan: That's so great
Alanis: Yeah
Conan: That you could, that you could get through
Alanis: It was really a blessing, truly
Conan: Uh, we are so thrilled that you were able to, to be with us tonight. Thank you
Alanis: Thank you for having
Conan: Thank you for being here
Alanis: I love you, I love your show
Conan: Oh, well thank you very much
Alanis: Yeah
Conan: Uh, the, the, the album Under Rug Swept is the, is the new one that's out right now, go out and uh, and get that album! [Applause] Alanis Morissette! Stay tuned for Late Friday everybody and uh we will see you on Monday. Buh-bye, have a good weekend!

[Applause/Credits]

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Hands Clean (Live from the 2002 Juno Awards, April 14th, 2002)

[Barenaked Ladies (the hosts) are bantering...]
Kevin (Barenaked Ladies): ... Well she's an eleven time Juno Award winner who has sold more than forty million albums worldwide. Goodness gracious that's a lot of albums
Stephen (Barenaked Ladies): Can I borrow five bucks?
Kevin: Um, sure... And with the recent release of her new CD Under Rug Swept, that number is going nowhere [Pause] [Cheers/Applause] ... but up
Stephen: Here to perform her latest single Hands Clean, please welcome Alanis Morissette!!

[Applause]

[Alanis performs Hands Clean]

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would've happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself and
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody and
Overlook this suppos
d crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me and
You're a kind of prot
g and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me and
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian and
I know how you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family and
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse and
I wish I could tell the world 'cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly and
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and you keep your firm body and

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind
And ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh ho oh
Ah ah ah

[Applause]

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Precious Illusions (From American Bandstand 50th Anniversary Special, May 3rd, 2002)

[Segment featuring a montage of various performers performing on Dick Clark's show (American Music Awards, Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve) throughout the nineties)

Dick Clark: Now speaking of the nineties, our next performer made her mark in the mid-nineties with Jagged Little Pill, and since then she has sold over forty million albums. She's a great addition to the ranks of talented singer/songwriters. Here is, Alanis Morissette
[Applause]

[Alanis performs Precious Illusions:]

You'll rescue me right? In the exact same way they never di-id
I'll be happy right? When your healing powers kick in

You'll complete me right? Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? Only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't wo-ork now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best fri-ie-iend

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survi-i-i-i-i-ival mo-o-ode

But this won't work now the way it once did
And I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best frie-ie-iend

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh oh oh oh
[Applause]

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Precious Illusions (from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, June 19th, 2002)

[Earlier in the show, guest Jaime Lee Curtis mentioned that she was a large fan of Alanis', and was at her concert the previous Saturday, and made arrangements to be on this particular show because Alanis would be appearing.]

Jay Leno; My next guest has won seven Grammy Awards, she's here to perform from her current album, Under Rug Swept, which [Jaime Lee speaks excitedly and inaudibly] has sold three million copies worldwide. Please welcome, Alanis Morissette!

[Alanis performs Precious Illusions]

You'll rescue me right? In the exact same way they never di-id
I'll be happy right? When your healing powers kick in

You'll complete me right? Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? Only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't wo-ork now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armou-ou-ou-our
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

But this won't work as well as the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best frie-iend

I have spent so long firmly looking outside me
I have spent so much time living in survi-i-i-i-i-ival mo-o-o-ode

But this won't work now the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
Though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best frie-ie-iends

Ooh ah ah ah oh ah ah ah ah ee ow ow

[Applause]

Jay: Alanis Morissette! That was great, that was great. We'll talk to Alanis right after this, don't go away, more show, be right back, right after this

[Cut to Commercial]
[Return from Commercial to Applause]

Jay: Back with Alanis Morissette. Very nice, now did you uh, did you know Miss Stalker [Jaime] before tonight, have you guys met?
Jaime Lee: Oh nice! No! No!
Alanis: She's lovely and so kind too
Jaime Lee: Well it's, it's true, it's, you're a beautiful artist
Alanis: Thank you
Jaime Lee: I followed you from the beginning darling, I won't even go there [Alanis laughs] I was at the Greek Theatre when you sang a cappella at the end
Matthew Lillard (the other guest, holding her back): Oh mama, oh mama!
Jaime Lee: ... Mama's getting all choked up!
Matthew: Hang in there mama!
Jaime Lee: I'm hangin' in [to Alanis:] You talk darling, you talk!
Alanis: You guys are so kind! ... Okay...
Jay: Now tell me about the video for your song, that goes with this, 'cause it's interesting
Alanis: The video for Precious Illusions?
Jay: Yeah
Alanis: Well it's a split-screen and the left side is the trajectory of the relationship in a fantasy
Jay: Right
Alanis: ... kind of realm, so there's you know basically the beginning, the meeting, all the way through to the end of the walking into the proverbial sunset. And the right side is the more realistic version of it, same interactions, same relationship, and apparently there's a difference between the two
Jay: Really, well.... well...
Alanis: Isn't that weird? [To Jaime Lee:] Isn't that weird?
Jaime Lee (sarcastically): No!!
Jay: Jaime how long you been married?
Jaime Lee: I've been married almost, uh, eighteen years
Jay: Well I'v ebeen married twenty-one, it'll be twenty-two this year
Alanis: So what's the secret? [To Matthew:] And you're married!
Matthew: Two and a half
Jay: Two and a half?
Matthew: Two and a half
Alanis: Two and a half, that's a feat!
Jay: Next time you come back, you lie down on the couch, we'll talk it out
Alanis: For a hundred and twenty-five dollars
Jay: Yeah, there you go
Alanis: Perfect
Jay: Well, congratulations, Under the Rug Swept [sic] is the new CD, hey all your success... [briefly converses with Alanis inaudibly] ... Thanks for coming to see us! Alanis Morissette! Uh, Jaime Lee Curtis! Hallowe'en: Resurrected is her film. And Matthew Lillard, the number one movie in the country, Scooby-Doo. Thanks everybody! Angela Ramos, thanks for helpin' us out. Stay tuned for Conan, comin' up next. Goodnight everybody!

[Closing Credits, etc.]

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Hands Clean (from Teen Choice Presents: 2002 Summer Music Mania, aired June 20, 2002)

CHRIS KIRKPATRICK: This artist is fearless. She writes with naked emotion and performs with raw power. She has seven Grammies to her name and is at the forefront of the new singer/songwriter movement. She's nominated for two Teen Choice Awards including Female Artist of the Year, Alanis Morissette:


If it weren't for your maturity none of this would've happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself and
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody and
Overlook this suppos
d crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me and
You're a kind of prot
g and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me and
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know how you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family and
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse and
I wish I could tell the world 'cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly and
I might wanna marry you one day if you watch that weight and you keep your firm body and

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind and
Ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later and
No one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

Ooh this could get messy but
You-ou don't seem to mi-ee-i-ind
And ooh don't go tellin' everybody
And overlook this suppos
d cri-ime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of u-u-u-us
And I have honoured your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

'Nd oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh ho oh
Ah ah oh

[Applause]

[Spoken:] Thank you very much!! Woo!!

ANNOUNCER: Next! A special encore performance by Alanis Morissette! ... [Trailers for other artists who perform later in the show]

[Cut To Commercial]

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Precious Illusions (from Teen Choice Presents: 2002 Summer Music Mania, aired June 20, 2002)

[Return from commercial to applause]

You'll rescue me right? In the exact same way they never di-id
I'll be happy right? When your healing powers kick in

You'll complete me right? Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? Only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't wo-ork now the way it once did
'Cause I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armou-ou-ou-our
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

But this won't work as well as the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
Though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best frie-ie-iend

I have spent so long firmly looking outside me
I have spent so long firmly look-- in survi-i-i-i-i-ival mo-o-ode

This won't work now the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my hea-ead did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best frie-ie-iends

These precious illusions in my hea-ead did not let me down when I was kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

Ooh ooh ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ee ow ow

[Spoken:] Thank you so much everyone, good night, bless you!

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21 Things I Want in a Lover (From The View, October 18, 2002)

Lisa Ling: Alanis Morissette exploded onto the scene in 1995 with intimate songs and a fiercely passionate voice, and she's gone on to become one of the premiere singer-songwriters in modern music. Her latest CD Under Rug Swept has reached triple-platinum and is still going strong, please welcome back to The View, Alanis Morissette!
[Applause]
Lisa: Welcome Back! Alright, before we get into your music I wanna talk to you about your acting you were on Curb Your Enthusiasm last week and you were hysterical did you guys see that? It was so funny, were you nervous? W-What was that like?
[clip shows of Alanis on the show Curb Your Enthusiasm]
Alanis: Um, so much fun Larry Davis is brilliant and the show is uh everyone was just so welcoming there. Basically my favourite way to do anything is when something's semi-structured but then there's freedom within it, and that show's all about that so it's, it's predominantly improv with some sense of structure of what the scene is...
Lisa: But you were working with some of the funniest people you had to have been nervous about that
Alanis: I was inspired, yeah truly...
Lisa: Yeah well you're, you're about to sing 21 Things That I Want In A Lover (sic)
Alanis: Mm hmm
Lisa: Which is such a great song and you've said that now more than ever you're really ready to be in a relationship. Why now?
Alanis: Um, I've evolved, thank God, um...
[Laughter]
Lisa: Older and wiser?
Alanis: I dunno about older and wiser... older for sure... wiser for sure... always getting wiser, um I think I'm just ready to reprioritize things... it's a natural sort of rite of passage and um you know I think that the more I heal myself the more I'm able to contribute to the planet and I think part of that is being in a relationship because there's certain thinks that I just can't heal alone, there's things that I can heal in a relationship that I could never do by reading books or just intellectually understanding it so
Lisa: It's good to have, it's good have a buddy and a partner too
Alanis: A companion yeah
Lisa: You guys ready to hear her sing?
[Applause]
Lisa: Alright you get up there! Here to perform the hit song 21 Things I Want In A Lover from the album Under Rug Swept, let's hear it for Alanis Morissette.

[Applause]

[Alanis performs 21 Things I Want In A Lover]

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do ya have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
D'ya enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
Are ya funny?
la self-deprecating?
Like adventure?
And have many form
d opinions?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are twenty-one things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush 'cause I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I'll live like there's no-o tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed?
More than three times a week?
Up for being experimental?
Are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
Are you not addicted?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are twenty-one things I choose to choose in a lover

[Instrumental]

[Applause]

Lisa: Yes! Love you thank you
Alanis: Thank You
Lisa: Our thanks to Alanis Morissette. Under Rug Swept is in stores now and look for her Pay Per View special airing tonight check your local listings we'll be right back

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21 Things I Want In A Lover (from the Caroline Rhea Show November 19th, 2002)

[Return from commercial to applause]

Caroline Rhea: Alanis Morissette is one of the most important singer songwriters of our generation; she has sold over 40 million albums, won 7 Grammies, and she is here today to perform 21 Things I Want In A Lover from her latest album Under Rug Swept. Please welcome rock's goddess, Alanis Morissette

[Applause, cheers]

[Alanis performs 21 Things I Want in a Lover]

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do ya have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
Are ya funny?
la self-deprecating?
Like adventure?
And have many form
d opinions?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are twenty-one things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush 'cause I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I'll live like there's no-o tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed?
More than three times a week?
Up for being experimental?
Are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
Are you not addicted?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are twenty-one things I choose to choose in a lover

[Instrumental]

[Applause]

Caroline: Aaaah! You are so good!
Alanis: Thank you so much
Caroline: When we come back we will be chatting with Alanis Morissette do not go away... [To Alanis:] You are so great!

[Cut to Commercial]


[Return from commercial to applause]

Caroline: We're back with the incredibly lovely and talented Alanis Morissette
Alanis: Hi!
[Applause]
Caroline: Hi! Y'know you're a rock goddess, I just have to say. [Alanis laughs] You are because you're basically, you have this angelic voice, you're a rock star, you have a bedazzled guitar; what's better than that?
A: Once the the guitar gets bedazzled there's no going back
C: Now you've, you've written so many popular songs, well not popular, they're like anthems, where does creativity hit you?
A: Right here [pointing to her stomach, Alanis and Caroline laugh]. No it's, it's uh, it's just like a conversation of sorts when I write. It's basically what I'm feeling, so whatever form it takes whether it's writing in my journal or a song or an article or an e-mail to someone it all comes from the same place; it comes from God, source, life, whatever you choose to call it.
C: And you just, it just flows right through you? You can see it when you're performing
A: Right through me yeah
C: Did you realize though when you started writing, though, how much these songs would resonate with every single woman who heard them... uh and man, I mean, but
A: Yeah
c: As a woman I think you just you empower all these women without even knowing that you're doing it
a: It's, that's so beautiful I feel so privileged to be able to do it, and no I didn't, I was just writing for myself and I actually felt somewhat isolated in that ego-centric "this is only happening to me" kind of way but after releasing You Oughta Know especially, I realized somewhat bittersweetly that, you know, people were relating to it, so...
C: What was the clue, the 27 million copies that sold?
[Laughter]
A: Oh... [Laughs]
C: In a little while you're gonna perform Precious Illusions, and that is the most interesting song to me because as a woman when you're growing up you think romance is what you see in the movies
a: Right, yes, right
C: But it's not
A: It's not. It's yummier frankly. But it's, uh, a little more complex than that and it's actually...
C: It's yummier, that's good
A: It's definitely yummier, it's a spiritual opportunity as I see it, to heal each other and to evolve and to help each other out and go through the painful stuff to just kind of become more whole. That's kind of how I see it in a nutshell, but...
C: I wanna date you!
A: OK let's date!!
C: Um...
[Laughter]
C: You're just so wise you are, no I understand... I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you
A: I'm pulling your chair apart
[Laughter]
C: You started to rip the material apart when I said I wanted to date you. I'm engaged, but I do love you
A: OK. If you weren't we would
C: Um yeah, if, if, otherwise I think it would work out, ok
A: OK great
C: Now, Gloria Steinham has this theory about women, that the qualities we're attracted to in a man are actually the qualities that we would like for ourselves...
A: Or parts of ourselves that are latent. Yeah I totally agree with that
C: You do?
A: Mmhmm
C: Yeah because I think that's why they always say that women are drawn to powerful men. It's because they want that power
A: Yeah and when they are powerful they wind up wanting to be the people that they feel kinda met by and it becomes companionship rather than sort of projecting all this stuff onto this other person that you wish you had in yourself which you actually do have. That's kinda my theory as well
C: Wow I wish I had written that down. OK [laughter] you just solved therapy one through four here. Um, okay. I love the 21 things you are looking for in a lover
Alanis: Mmhmm
Caroline: Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
[awkward pause]
A: Do I? Are you asking me?
C: No no no, well I know you do
A: Yeah I do
C: You derive, you derive and provide joy i think
Alanis (mumbling): It's sometimes... I'm jealous too but...
C: You are?
A: Sometimes
C: You don't strike me as a jealous person
A: Well I usually take jealousy and I turn it into some form of inspiration but, but yeah no I'm all the things that you think that I'm not
[Laughter]
C: You are so Canadian you just confessed something about yourself that I would otherwise never have known!
A: Right
C: Yeah, I gave you a compliment and you were like 'no no no,' um...
A: I know it's the Canadian thing, we'll cancel each other out on this show
C: I know
A: We will
C: I know Canadians take three hours to get through a door "After you, no after you"
A: I'm so sorry
C: No after you
A: I'm so sorry
C: I'm sorry, go ahead, sorry now
A: OK
C: Um, now are you currently dating and how many of the 21 qualities does he have?
A: Well I'll have to look at that [Referring to the lyrics sheet]
C: OK
A: He um, I am currently dating and he's lovely and he actually does...
C: Have a lot of them?
A: Maybe all of them... except for maybe this one here [points to card] but don't say what it is
[Laughter]
C: I love what you wrote in this article in Cosmo Girl about 'My body is OK: The self-acceptance.' So, so how do you get to that place... first of all you have a beautiful body
A: Thanks, so do you
C: Well thanks very much I'm telling you we would've made a lovely couple [Laughter] um, but you do a lot of yoga?
A: Yeah
C: You do?
A: Lot of yoga, dancing, I went to this amazing class last night with a man named Jonathan Moran, Gabriel Roth's son
C: Uh huh
A: And we just danced and went through these five rhythms that he taught so beautifully and everybody was dancing in a room and it was just an amazing way to move one's body or my body through my own personal experience. Unbelievable, so I'm kind of addicted to that right now
C: Oh cool
A: Yeah
C: I love doing yoga I think it's like physically praying
A: Yeah
C: I think it's that... Alright your DVD is being released on December 10th, what's on it?
A: Footage from the last two and a half years of my life: the tour, and the making of the record Under Rug Swept, and then there's eight new studio tracks that didn't make that record that are on the CD inside the package, and a lot of backstage stuff, shenanigans...
C: Amazing, and we get to see you too
A: Yeah
C: You know what I think, you... first of all I think you really are one of the most gifted songwriters, but you have such a beautiful like gratitude towards everything it just makes you so gracious
A: Aww thanks
[Caroline laughs nervously]
A: So do you
C: Thank you too
A: I want to!
C: Um... Alanis will be back a little later to sing us another song and to buy a copy of her CD just log on to Carolinerhea.com or America Online keyword "Caroline Rhea" and click on the Alanis Morissette icon, and the DVD will be available in stores on December 10th so go and buy that immediately. You are so lovely, we will be right back!

[Cut to commercial]

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Precious Illusions (from The Caroline Rhea Show, November 19th, 2002)

[Return from commercial to applause]

Caroline: Performing Precious Illusions, once again, Alanis Morissette

[Alanis performs Precious Illusions]

You'll rescue me right? In the exact same way they never did
I'll be happy right? When your healing powers kick in

You'll complete me right? Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? Only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't wo-ork now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armou-ou-ou-our
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

But this won't work as well as the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best frie-ie-ie-iend

I have spent so long firmly looking outside me
I have spent so much time living in survi-i-i-i-i-ival mo-o-ode

This won't work now the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
Though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my hea-ea-ead did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best frie-ie-iends
Ooh ooh ooh ah ooh ooh ooh ah ah ee ow

[Applause]

Caroline: You're amazing, so we're pretending this is the beginning... Alanis Morissette and her amazing band, thank you so much for being here! Goodbye everybody, we'll see you tomorrow

[Closing credits]

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This sub-page last updated August 17, 2003.

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Ironic, Alanis Morissette